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Then again, how can Zaire Keisha Herrera live with her life if danger totally just knows its way to follow her? Paulit-ulit niyang ginagawa ang mga bagay na hindi niya dapat ginagawa. She’d already been forwarned. But clearly, a person like her will never turn her back on anything. Over the long haul, behind her every action is going to be hell of a big piece for her to be in her own created danger...

 She is a strikingly remarkable girl; a girl who has always been in a gamble, a game of chance. Will she be always taking the risk? Can she face the impromptu pattern of her life? Of her life with them? 

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Don't Enter Into A Gangster's Life 

By: KimberlyRoco

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Prologue

        His face was incredibly clear, staring at me with an enigmatically indecipherable expression. His clear captiving dark eyes was staring straight to my brown ones with so much intense.

It was too dangerously intent that it was making my knees go weak; that pair of mesmerizing eyes were the eyes that really know how to pierce my soul. Ang kanyang mapupungay na mga mata na hindi ko kayang balewalain kapag ito'y nakatitig sa akin na parang ganito.

Deep-set of black eyes like those were telling me right now that this was just so inaccurate for a guy like him – A wrong decision. Mali ito. But I just couldn't stop and understand myself. And I could solely just describe that fact in one word: Frustrating. And I could also consider that this was just quite extremely painfully heart-rending.

My stomach heaved, my shoulders shook as tears started to fill in my eyes. Ang aking mga mata ay mayroon na namang nagbabadyang luha dahil sa kanya. Without thinking, my feet strode toward him, stopping so close that I could feel his warm breath.

Wide-eyed, he stared at me, hesitant to speak that he'd only say some harsh things again, and there was pity visible in his eyes—in his face. Pity. And that was piercing my heart more. 

Throwing myself at him, mixed emotions swirled through the pit of my stomach as I just hugged him tightly – even for the last time. He stiffened on his spot. His rigid body now became more rigid and it seemed like his breathing stopped―and so as mine. My heart was completely hammering rapidly.

“Let me go,” malamig niyang wika sa akin habang walang kahit anong galaw na ginagawa. I could feel that he was gritting his teeth when he said. In anger and… disappointment. Disappointment because I knew... he thought that I was a very different girl―a dauntless, indestructable girl who wouldn't enter a gangster's life; the idea of me having this feelings for him wouldn't cross his mind.

But he really was wrong. And what I was feeling for hiim right now was... inevitable. And certainly, my case was totally different.

I wanted him to have a life. A distinct life with happiness. Without fights. Threats. Perils. Hazards. Jeopardies. Not just with the risks he always had in his life. The danger. The stitch, the pain. All he experienced in his life were just difficulties; I knew that. I wanted that to change.

Even if I would have to face the painful consequences of trying to help him. I wanted to feel loved, too, from someone else there that could understand my flaws. And... dark sides in my life. I doubted if I could even experience how to be loved.

Why was this happening to me? The last time I check since I hadn't met them, I was still living in my not-so-spectacularly-awesome life. Not bothering problems and anything. I was just customarily used to just live in this boringly plain of a life. Ordinary life of mine.

But in just one swift action, the boringly ordinary life I had vanished. And it was replaced by such a huge... unexpected danger. That was what happened.

Furthermore, I could say that every single day of my life was suicide. But what could I expect on this kind of life? I had experienced many things but this one was seriously the most painful one.

I hugged him tighter, making him what I feel for him. He remained still as a statue, frozen on his spot. 

“I am so sorry. Forgive me about this crap. Alam ko dapat hindi ko na sinabi iyon. I shouldn't have done this. Dapat pinigilan ko nalang,” dahan-dahan kong sabi, swallowing my sobs for it not come out from me, letting myself hurt sa bawat salitang sinasabi ko, letting each word sink into my mind; admitting to myself that my uncontrollable love for him would be over this moment.

“I am promising to you now. I will never talk to you about this again. Hindi na ito mangyayari pa kahit kailan. Ever again. I'm sorry. I will never mention to anyone what we had talked about. Walang makakaalam at lahat ng ito ay ibabaon ko nalang sa limot. This is all only between you and me, I promise,” I promised to him slowly, half-heartedly. Then a small genuine weak smile spread across my face. I was saying each word slowly—slowly for it to really hit my mind. 

“I promised not to bother you about this again,” wika ko ng may conviction, trying so hard not to show the pain in my expression. It was really punishingly tough to hide it anymore, even if I was a professional on hiding my emotions. At kahit anong tago ko, it would show by itself. Unconsciously. He was just gazing straight to my eyes, pity in his expression. And that expression just truly hurt me more again.

He could just still be angry at me because I'd crossed the dangerous line, at least. So that I'd get the nerve to feel angry at him, despite the pain I was feeling. Nevertheless, still unbelievably pathetic, thinking me, Zaire Keisha Herrera, apologizing pathetically to the one whom dumped me. That thought seemed so close to impossible. 

“I promise… I won’t cross the dangerous line again like what I did today,” saad ko sa kanya at pinipilit patatagin ang boses ko. Ang sarili ko, not to break down.  And telling myself that every single word I say to him this instant was what I would just do.

Then I choked out a laugh. “I really am pathetic,” I muttered, admitting to myself that I really was. Pinigil kong bumuhos ang mga nagbabadya kong luha, then I laughed. Again. Without humor, without life. I suddenly felt weak. Lifeless. Masyadong sumasakit ang puso ko. Parang sasabog ang dibdib ko sa sakit. It hurts. Parang hindi ako makahinga sa sakit. Sobrang sakit.

“I’m sorry. I am now going to forget my feelings for you. I am going to be back to my old self again, don’t worry. I am… going to move on. For you… For your happiness.” Now, it's over. It was finally over.

My vision turned blurred as tears continously flowed down my cheeks. Then I just realized he’s already gone. “It hurts,” I cried silently. Sumisikip ang dibdib ko nang sobra dahil dito. Sa dinami-dami ng mga taong mayroon ring komplikadong buhay pag-ibig, bakit nasali pa ako dito? I couldn't understand this life. It so damn hurts. 

He left me broken. Extremely broken. Crying. With a broken heart. It hurts.

He dumped me because I wasn’t a girl who could ever be in his heart. I wasn’t a girl who could ever experience his love. I knew I wasn’t. I was only a girl that just suddenly stumbled across his life. Just a girl who tried on helping him feel loved but he didn’t want me. 

He dumped me because I wasn’t the one. The one for him that he’d love for the rest of his life... I lost in our battle. I was defeated by my feelings. I knew that I'd already entered his life the first time we had met. So what was with the line? What was with that statement?

The worst part of this freaking heartbreak was that… he left me with that threat, that command. A sentence. That freaking sentence that always irritates the hell out of me whenever I hear it. Because I wasn’t a type of girl that he could just bosses around.

And this moment, he just hurt me more... By giving me that painful abominable order. An order that I knew I could never follow now. I was incapable of following that because comprehensively, I fell in love with a gangster like him―and that's where all of these had began. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit nasasaktan ako ng ganito dahil hindi ko nasunod ang warning na iyon.

“Don’t enter into a gangster’s life.” I never thought that just a sentence like that coming from him now could hurt me this way.

Don’t enter into a gangster’s life. I always remembered that from him. That was the warning that I should have follow since the very beginning. Since the very first time he told me that. And now… I was the one who’s suffering. I’d never thought that I’d end up getting pretty hurt. This hurt.

I shouldn't have entered a gangster's life. I regretted entering a gangster's life. This was what would happen to people who wouldn't follow that warning. But it still was my instinct to enter a gangster's life.